A Naked Mistake

What had seemed like such a good idea only a few hours ago now seemed like the thoughts of a lunatic. Jake tried to take in his surroundings but found himself unable to, averting his eyes from all the people, completely comfortable in their nakedness. He heard giggles, glanced up, immediately regretted doing so, then hurriedly returned to stare at the ground.

He was aware that the two attractive young women were probably giggling at him, and probably because he was stood in the middle of a nudist beach, fully clothed.

Exceptionally slowly, Jake took off his clothes and while doing so, tried to work out why he had thought going to a nude beach was the kick of excitement that his life needed right now.

First off was the shirt. Jake sighed as he looked down at his belly. He had tried to lose weight. The problem was that he had a fundamental flaw in his workout routine. He waited too long in the intervals between sets. His most recent one was going on four months now.

Then came the trousers. Jake looked at his legs as if seeing them for the first time. How did they hold him up? Why didn’t some of that fat in his belly go to his legs? Jake was sure that if his body would just do the sensible thing and distribute weight evenly then maybe he would look more attractive.

And then came the hardest part. Jake pushed his pants down about half an inch before he gave up. He couldn’t do it. How could anyone-

He remembered his towel. Of course! He would wrap the towel around him, take off his pants and then take off the towel. That way he could adjust himself slowly.

Jake stood in the middle of the beach, towel wrapped around his waist. He did a little jiggle. Yes, he would just need a few moments to get used to the freedom-

BAM!

A young man slammed into the back of Jake and sent him sprawling. He landed face down in the sand.

His towel landed a few feet away.

‘Oh! Sorry, mate! You need a hand?’

Jake glared up at him. Unfortunately, from his prone position, he could only incline his head so far back and he found himself glaring at the man’s privates, which didn’t have the effect he had been hoping for. ‘Just hand me my towel, will you?’

The young man picked up Jake’s towel. ‘You mean this one?’

Jake could only describe the smile the young man shot him as malicious.

‘Come and get it,’ and with that the man sped off waving the towel behind him.

Jake watched him go, silently asking himself what he had done to be tormented in this way.

Aware of the increasingly unpleasant sensation of sand against his genitals, he cupped one hand around them, laid his head on his other arm and tried to pretend he was somewhere else. Preferably with clothes on.

Luke Smart is a 1st year Creative Writing student at Liverpool John Moores.

Likes procrastinating, usually with a game, book or TV show.